and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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