I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
