The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
