Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
