I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
