There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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