dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
