I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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