I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
