i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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