we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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