it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
COCAINE IS GR8
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
