I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
