weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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