I heard we made out
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
