Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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