Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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