I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
