Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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