OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
