she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
