He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
