You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
