he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
