I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
