woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
