96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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