I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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