and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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