my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
