Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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