Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
