i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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