Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
