Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So. Much. Porn.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
