How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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