I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
