Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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