If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
