A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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