I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't deserve a penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
