words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
