i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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