So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
