Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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