Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
