just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We're too hungover to prance.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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