I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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