Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
