ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
